For about 3 years I was addicted to pure orange juice (I hate concentrate!). I’d buy a couple of gallons at Costco and chug on average 1/3 gallon a day, sometime an entire gallon (depending how hot it was outside).

My wife started saying I was going to become diabetic (even pure orange juice has loads of sugar). She’s going to nursing school, but I still kept chugging away. Then a few friends said the same thing, and I started to worry.

That’s when I got the idea to chug something healthy. I found the most healthy drink on the planet: Orovox. It has Acai in it (which I grew to love in Brazil), and a bunch of other crazy-healthy ingredients (Acai, Pineapple, Red Grape, White Grape, Pomegranate, Red Raspberry, Acerola, Aronia, Elderberry, Cranberry, Goji, Mangosteen, Barley, Cayenne Pepper, Buckwheat, Flaxseed, Alfalfa Sprout, Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Soy Isoflavines, Garlic, Wheatgrass, Green Tea, ALA, DMAE, Idebenone, Ascorbic Acid, Citric Acid)

I’ve seen people drink this with a wimpy shot glass. The myth is that it’s so concentrated it will make you sick or give you diarrhea (whatever!). I’ve been chugging Orovox for 6 months. I just like the taste, but if it’s going to make me live to 300, I won’t complain.

So here is how to chug Orovox

Step 1: Open All 4 Bottles (see my previous post)

Step 2: Drain all 4 Bottles into an Empty Milk Jug

Step 3: Refrigerate

Step 4: Chug

I lived in Brazil where the Acai (ah-sigh-ee) berry is sold. I don’t think I ever saw it growing on a tree, but it’s definitely popular. When I returned, the only thing I’ve found that resembles authentic Brazilian Acai is Orovox.

I’ve had 4 bottles of Orovox shipped to me for about 6 months. I LOVE the juice. To me it tastes like Acai, but I’m pretty sure it’s got some added health benefits.

BUT…Orovox is not easy to open , and there are four of them, so it can get kind of annoying. I had to invent my own method, which works like a charm.

Step 1: Slice the Plastic Seal

Take a bottle of Orovox and a serrated knife (I use a standard steak knife). Slice the seal at the bottom of the lid.

Step 2: Use Pliers to Finish the Job

I literally keep these pliers in my kitchen drawer for this purpose alone.

WARNING: Be gentle with the pliers! I squeezed too hard once and shattered the neck, ruining the whole bottle (I guess I could have taken the risk of Orovox with shards of glass).

I called attention in my last post to the strange serif on the first ‘U’ of the new ‘UVU’ logo.  My annoyance was that it ruined the reflection of the two ‘U’s’ through the V.  Apparently that first serif is meant to invoke patriotism for all Utah citizens - that small notch creates the shape of our State!

Hidden Meaning of Current UVU Logo:

If that isn’t amazing enough, the second U creates the shape of Colorado, where UVU hopes to relocate one day.

After my post, to my astonishment, the president of UVU (Lester Tessy Higgenbothom) got in contact with me.

He said to me, “Dallin, help me restore the reflexive property to the UVU logo.”

I told him, “Tess, not only does the logo need reflection, it needs spirit.  It needs fury.  It needs the face of true-blue loyalty.  It may even need a new name.”

The New UVU Logo:

UVSC is now UVU; that’s just great.  Way to go.  But every time I see someone sporting a UVU t-shirt with your new logo actual vomit chunks come into my mouth.

What in-the-name-of-all-that’s-holy is that little serif doing on that first U?  If it has meaning it’s occult, and nobody I’ve talked to “gets” it.  If it doesn’t mean anything, this is designer sabotage. Why didn’t they commit the same crime to the other U?  At least then we could understand it was your impaired stylistic choice.

Could someone please tell me the magical meaning of that disgusting knob?  If there’s not one, UVU students and faculty should form a mob, apprehend the guilty designer, and beat him with his own keyboard and mouse.

Last night at Albertson’s the Salvation army was ringing their bell in the cold. I felt bad, and wanted to donate, but I never carry change. That’s when I realized what I would do if I were homeless.

Everything is a paradox.

You can’t accuse those you hate of hatred.

Huge bag of cheap cereal and a Tupperware bucket of sugar.

Everything on Earth stands on something, except for the Earth itself.