Name that Car Company:

(answer below…don’t cheat)

Answer

#1- 2006 BMW 5 Series

#2- 2007 Toyota Camry

#3- 2008 Honda Accord

If I were a car company, I would copy BMW too. Their cars are sexy. But you might think the #1 and #2 selling cars in the world (Camry and Accord) would have the balls and money to make their cars unique.

I agree with the phrase ‘imitation is the highest form of flattery.’ This, however, is forgery.

BMW’s are designed by Chris Bangle, who get’s a lot of flack on the web for his unique designs. A LOT. But Chris, if you haven’t noticed, everyone is copying you. It’s not just Toyota and Honda. American car companies, whose designs are ugly, but usually uniquely ugly, are following suite:

#1- 2007 BMW M3

#2- 2008 Pontiac G8

This one makes me sick. They go as far as COPYING THE EXACT PHOTOGRAPHIC POSE of the BMW’s M3. (posers). Notice how BMW added air intake on the hood and behind front wheel. They crammed a highly sophisticated V-8 engine capable of going 0-60 in 4.5 seconds which actually needs as much oxygen as it can get. Pontiac put the same openings on its G8 so that it’s standard V-6 can crawl 0-60. Great work Pontiac. Here’s an idea: maybe your next sedan shold copy an F-16 fighter jet. Even more idiots will think it’s fast.

There’s more. BMW’s M series cars comes with air intake behind the front wheel. These are BMW’s "super" cars. Ford (nothing more boring) is putting those standard on ALL of their cars. Ya, those new Ford Focus’ look really fast. I think they go 0-60 in…wait…I don’t think they can make it to 60. Jay Mays and Martin Smith, Ford’s chief creative officers, are two of Bangle’s biggest critics.

Anyway, this one is for you Chris Bangle. Don’t worry when Jay Mays, Martin Smith, and Dave Marek (of Honda) critisize your designs, because they’re just angry they didn’t come up with it first.

I really do feel bad for Duracel and Energizer; I’ll never go back to disposable batteries. Everything is rechargeable now. The problem with all these rechargable techno gadgets is the CHORDS!

I asked my sister-in-law Emily (sophomore in high school) if it’s normal that kids have cellphones. She made a face and said, “It’s weird not to have one.”

That pretty much means everyone has at least a cellphone cord. Most probably have an mp3 player or digital camera (OR BOTH) too.

I’d bet there’s a plug somewhere in your room, or on your kitchen counter, where there’s a rat’s nest of tangled chords. When my wife and I bought mp3 players, the collective jumble of cords was so hideous and confusing that it led to the brilliant (and easy) modernization of our dresser:

1) Select any dresser or night stand, preferably made of wood.

2) Remove a drawer. Drill, carve, or punch a hole in the back of the dresser.

3) Insert an extension cord through the hole. Reinsert the drawer.

1) Use the extension cord to plug in the various rechargers so you can juice up your electronic accesories conveniently in your dresser!

2) With the Drawer of Technology, you’ve eliminated the need for cord length. Use twisty ties to minimize excess cord.

3) Include a medium sized container to store all rechargeable components.

4) Here’s a perfect place to manage your credit cards, keys, and cash. This way, when you’re running out the door, everything you need to put in your pockets is in one place (and your phone is fully charged!)

5) Besides cords, there are other essential paraphernalia to rechargeable technologies, which are easily misplaced. Include a small container to store SD cards, memory sticks, and converters.

Modernize your dresser with a Drawer of Technology. You’ll feel noble for helping fight the growing problem of pollution: rechargeable cord pollution.

That’s right. Your H2 Hummer looks like an Ice Cream truck. There is nothing “sporty” or “utile” about it, unless you’re delivering frozen foods or large sums of cash. It even has those yellow lights on the top corners like armored vehicles and diesels.

Some people like them. Why? I’ve wanted to puke EVERY time I’ve seen one, from the most basic to entirely pimped out. Nobody would think they’re hot rolling around town in Schwann’s Ice Cream truck, so why did you buy that Hummer H2?

I’m not being environmental or socialist, it’s just undeniably the ugliest car ever created. Imagine how stupid the car on the top would look off-road. It’s a large piece of equipment for transporting valuables. Not an hip design for an SUV.

Our “vintage” 1949 house has many interesting rooms. Maybe the coolest is the wood-paneled room above the garage. It’s entirely disconnected from the rest of the house–it has it’s own wall mounted gas heater.

Working from home can be painful because of all the interruption. But this secret room isn’t even connected to my house. It’s not a “home” office, it’s a real office. Further, IT’S THE SWEETEST OFFICE ON EARTH. It’s my Command Center (Jesse gets credit for coming up with that–but I think he was making fun of me).

Check it Out:

Laugh all you want Jesse, but this is the future. I’ve been telling everyone that people will eventually connect their internet/computer straight to their TV. Why have two expensive pieces of hardware (Television and Computer), and two expensive subscriptions (Cable and Internet)??? Computers come with Televisions (i.e. the monitor), so now all you need is an internet connection.

* Clearplay (shown above) is awesome. You can rent a rated R movie from Redbox or Netflix and it will totally skip anything you find offensive (sex, profanity, violence). And lot’s of awesome Rated R movies are at Redbox.com right now: American Gangster, Michael Clayton, Gone Baby Gone.

I got into a vicious potato peeling contest with my brother-in-law. After loosing many battles, I observed that my biggest drag was how I held the potato; it kept slipping out of my hand. Furthermore, the caution necessary to not slice into your finger hinders your potato peeling potential.

If your life depends on you winning a potato peeling contest, or you just hate when the above happens, read on.

We hadn’t cleaned this closet since we moved in nearly a year ago. Hours later I was putting the finishing touches to a now perfectly organized closet when I saw something suspicious:

That’s right, it’s a bullion cube of silver worth $416 with today’s price of silver. It was created in the 1950’s. This house we live in was built in 1949, so the original owner must have stashed it and totally forgot about it. My wife thinks we should try and find him, but I was like, "FINDER’S KEEPER’S!" How’s that for luck?

Everyone thought Rudy would be the presidential candidate for the Republican Party in 2008. I predicted his demise here, but I didn’t expect him to be a complete FAILURE.

Note to future candidates: Don’t put all your eggs in Florida!

I visited a chiropractor for the first time last week.  I thought I had truly seen everything!  After 4 completely bizarre treatments, I’m convinced that chiropractors totally ripped off executioners:

Inversion Therapy	Upside Down Crucifixion
Decompression Therapy	The Rack
Stim Therapy	Electric Chair
Crazy Chiropractor	Crazy Ninja

I rear-ended a car this morning.  So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life seems to get funny?  Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!  He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”  So, I look down at him and say, “Well, which one are you then?”… and THAT’S when the fight started . .