Construction of the world’s largest and most luxurious sleigh has finally been completed, allowing cruisers at long last to have balcony views of the North and South Poles.

“Land has always been trouble for other cruise lines,” says Captain Vanderehoofen of the virgin 5000 suite ‘Arctic Gem,’ “but we would watch such classics as ‘White Fang’ and say to ourselves, ‘We can do that.’”

And they have. Carnival’s newest “cruise- sleigh” grants stunning and upclose access to the most endangered and fragile environments on earth, without skimping on luxury, entertainment, and fine-dining.

Avid cruisers Clarke and Dawn Johnson of Houston were on the maiden voyage. “We were getting so sick of whales and dolphins,” said Dawn. “This cruise is definitely different. The buffets were probably the best ever.”

Clarke added, “Wednesday night’s show was an Eskimo ballet. Then we passed right over a real Eskimo village the next day. Very exciting! We’ve already planned our trip for next year.’

Environmentalist Jeremy Green warned of the impact of this mammoth sleigh, “We’re seeing endangered species drop dead at the mere sight. The few survivors fall into the deep crevasse which the ship leaves behind.”

Captain Vanderhoofen disagrees. “Believe it or not, we are greener than a Toyota Prius. The fuel for our crown sleigh is zero emissions: nearly 30,000 hungry wolves. They are self sustaining too; preying on the local penguin population.”

Controversial or not, that’s not stopping cruisers from all around the world to take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; the sleigh is booked 16 years in advance. “We’re building 18 more sleighs just to keep up with demand,” said the over-joyed Carnival CEO Marcus Pierce. “By 2013 we’ll have overland sleigh routs in the Himalayas, Andes, and Alps. In El Niño years we could go from New York to Seattle.”