Rating: F

I grew up watching reruns of The Simpsons and Seinfeld, but I’ve never been a die hard loyal to any television show until six months ago. I was getting some ice cream at Wal-Mart when my eye caught the first season of 24. A few of my friends always hyped it up like some crazy religion. Without ever seeing an episode, I felt like I knew Jack Bauer: the modern mythical legend who’s an indestructible prince charming.

We watched the entire season in two point five weeks. Nina! That ending was classic. I returned a second time from Wal-Mart with seasons 2-5. It took about 3 months to finish those. There were some pretty predictable episodes, but for the most part, the cliffhangers kept us interested.

We’ve been on a 3 month fast from 24 because Season 6 hadn’t been released. We’ve been waiting patiently until December 5th. I sliced off the plastic, popped out the dvd, and pushed play. Sarah even made popcorn. After three episodes I verbally shouted at the screen, “WE’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS BEFORE!”

I think the writers for 24 have been on strike for years. They left the producers with about 1000 words, and now to make an episode of 24 you scramble all those words up and viola! Here is my quick episode:

This is Bill Buchanan, infiltrate satellite surveillance CTU protocol. On your knees terrorist. Jack, please hold for the president. I strongly advise interrogation Mr. President. Suspect in quadrant perimeter, send tac-team for pursuit. Cloe Curtis Palmer Bauer. DROP THE WEAPON! [Cliffhanger here].

It was SO stupid. Wayne Palmer — the whiney moron brother of David Palmer — the guy they make you hate in season three — the pin prick goatee scratching fool — IS PRESIDENT. I can’t stand that idiot! I hate how every president has an evil turd following them around. Wayne Palmer WAS one of those, HE’S president, and now HE has a turd (who might be president in season 7).

They’ve always been slightly political, but this side story with the Guantanamo-ish muslim secret prison is ridiculous! RIDICULOUS! The president’s sister is the lawyer in charge of representing the “victims” of the “power abuses” of the “administration.” C’mon 24! You’re entertainment - not propaganda!

I can’t return this $50 complete waste of money, and I can’t give it away any more than I can give away my clipped toenails. Trust me, if you’re thinking about buying this DON’T. Get Lost, no pun intended. Season 3 comes out this week. Hopefully some sucker on ebay will take my Season 6 of 24; it’s worse than 24 hours of C-SPAN.